Server: (upon seeing me take a bite of my to-go ice cream sandwich): I just left it in the plastic wrapper so it wouldn't melt in the box. I hope that's okay.
Me: Yeah, I just had to take a bite because I couldn't wait.
Angela: It's pretty pathetic, actually. Whoa, that was aggressive. Sorry.
Is roadkill safe to eat? →
Apparently “several news sources have recently pondered this question,” because actual news is soooooo boring. Or the recession has gotten that bad. Or this is actually 1962 and they just saw Jed Clampett do it and they started getting ideas. Either way, I’m not sure why you’d want to cook (I would hope) and eat an animal that you’ve just run over with your car. It...
Oh, old men. How I love thee.
Last night an old man behind me in the Safeway self-checkout line tapped me on the shoulder and said, “So, you think you’re going to be able to handle that on your own, huh?” I smiled and said, “yeah, sure” because I had no idea what he was talking about but it seemed polite to answer him. Was he referring to the number of items in my basket vs. the single reusable...
Born to play in the NHL? →
Well shit, I totally had what it takes to be an NHL star. Maybe it’s not too late. I’ll probably try to get drafted next season. Or I’ll just buy a draught and watch it at the pub instead. That’s probably less work.
Toddler served booze at Applebee's →
This reminds me of that time my parents let my cousins and me eat the fruit that was floating in the yukaflux (aka Jungle Juice). If they’d realized the fruit had absorbed most of the alcohol, they definitely wouldn’t have let us have it. They would have kept it for themselves.
The Enemies of Fun...and Royal Weddings
A reporter friend posted a facebook status yesterday saying how excited she was about the upcoming coverage of the royal wedding. Others responded saying they couldn’t wait for it and they might wear fun hats and gloves and whatnot, because why not? Then two guys, who I’ll call Jed* and Larry, decided to be giant dicks about it. Here’s how it went down: Jed: Sweet, even more...