- Step-dad: So I'm wrong and you're right?
- Mom: I'm correct, I'm left, and you're wrong.
- Jen: It's a bear that people eat. It's really big.
- Us: ...
- Jen: Okay, it's a town in Saskatchewan...
- Us: Saskatoon?
- Jen: Yes. Now think of an egg thing you'd eat.
- Us: ...
- Jen: It's like a pie.
- Us: Quiche?
- Jen: Yes! Now combine Saska with quiche.
- Us: .....
- Jen: It was a sasquatch.
Playing catchphrase and this was the clue our coworker gave us:
Cats love to roll on these.
They’re green and red and oval shaped.
The answer was olives.
I made dinner reservations online & then they wanted me to call to confirm, as if I don’t use the internet to avoid talking to people. I’m the person who freaks out when my hair stylist asks me if I want to book my next appointment six weeks from now, so I book it and then call when the salon is closed to leave a message saying I’m going to be “out of town on business.” Then, via a subsequent voice message, I reschedule for a more reasonable date, like three to six months later. So when I make dinner reservations online, please just let me show up. Or not. We’ll see.
Whenever I miss living in Hong Kong, I just remind myself that in Hong Kong people dress up to go to Pizza Hut and every pizza comes with corn and Thousand Islands dressing instead of pizza sauce. And then I kind of miss it more.
Can someone please tell me how I can sign off emails without feeling like a complete asshole?
I’m not British enough to use cheers (even though I once spoke in a horrible British accent for an entire 9-hour flight because I accidentally mimicked the accent of the person beside me and obviously had to keep up the farce), and “best” is just a bit over the top. I mean, I really do want good things for you, but if you get all the best then what’s left for the rest of us?
Peace out makes me look like someone who listens to Coldplay, which I do, but it’s not like I want everyone to know that.
My default for the last year or so has been “thanks!” but I’ve recently removed the exclamation point because I don’t want people to think I have that much enthusiasm for the shit I’m sending them, but without the exclamation point I fear it appears I don’t give a shit at all.
Can we all agree just to sign off with “get it.” Because although I don’t really know what that means, I think it’s something we can all enjoy.
I just needed to say that. In five minutes I’m probably going to feel badly and post something about how you should probably give cauliflower a chance, but I tried giving it another chance earlier today and a piece got stuck in my throat, so I’m done with that stupid, smelly vegetable forever. What interesting things have you done today?
- Her: Can you help me tighten my lug nuts?
- Him: Yeah, I can help you.
- Her (under her breath): And by lugnuts I mean nipples, and by tighten I mean lick.